Look To the North

Yeah, uh… I don’t know why either. O_o

Forbidden Kissing Tips
Discover secrets turning ur tongue into a hot-boiling super vacuum.

I’m… disturbed. What do super vacuums have do do with french kissing? o_o

Even Raiyn can’t figure that one out. She’s going through a various list of things she can think of where tongues as vacuums might work and says having them boiling hot in such a situation would probably be rather painful for the guy or girl involved… but she can shut up now, thanks.

XP.

Raiyn: Seriously, unless you’re maochistic, having a boiling hot super vacuuming tongue during a french kiss would probably just hurt. O_o

Weird peoples.

The blather has been brought up more than once… who’s the worst kisser? Ironically, no one ever questions or wonders who’s the BEST character to kiss… simply, who’s the worst. The characters gather here to throw their votes in on who… is the best, and the worst.

(At least, my characters do. And I’m using the more tag, not because it’s dirty (it’s not), but because it’s EMBARRASSING them.)

(more…)

Or, random bored amusement.

The Thinger.

I’m boredly putting through character pairings. So far E and A have the closest match, with 84%, and Tiana and Jether were down in the 40s… but that’s all I’ve done so far.

(amused)

…Marien and Xendor are definately not meant for each other.

…doing names with no surnames gets badddddddddddd low resultses.

Jandalf/Xiian Haiyu - 21%
Jandalf/Elachi Kyrie - 40.5%
Tiana/Xendor (presume surnames, since I’m using them)-36.6%
Ariane/Harry - 63.6%
Ryian/Harry - 28%
Ariane/Xiian-74.5%
Kemmie/Harry - 23%

Yeahhhhhhhhh… (amused)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KeR95MW2-Nc&search=star%20wars

“I am God. Today I will be handling all of your problems. Please remember that I do not need your help. If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do not attempt to resolve it. Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to do) box. It will be addressed in My time, not yours. Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold onto it.

If you find yourself stuck in traffic; Don’t despair. There are people in this world for whom driving is an unheard of privilege.

Should you have a bad day at work; Think of the man who has been out of work for years.

Should you despair over a relationship gone bad; Think of the person who has never known what it’s like to love and be loved in return.

Should you grieve the passing of another weekend; Think of the man in dire straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week to feed his children.

Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance; Think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk.

Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror; Think of the cancer patient in chemo who wishes she had hair to examine.

Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering what is life all about, asking what is my purpose? Be thankful. There are those who didn’t live long enough to get the opportunity.

Should you find yourself the victim of other people’s bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities; Remember, things could be worse. You could be them!!!! “

An optimist is someone who goes after Moby Dick in a rowboat and takes the tartar sauce with him.

Yes, I’m into pulling out jokes. See? It makes me in a better mood.

25 Phrases Of Wisdom
1. If you’re too open minded, your brains will fall out.

2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

3. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.

6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

12. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

15. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

19. Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

AND . . . (drum roll please?)

25. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

An older couple had a son, who was still living with them. The parents were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about his future career. So they decided to do a small test.

They put a note on the front hall table that they had left. Around the note they put a ten-dollar bill, a Bible, and a bottle of whiskey. Then they hid, pretending they were not at home.

The father told his wife, “If our son takes the money, he will be a businessman, if he takes the Bible, he will be a pastor, but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I’m afraid our son will be a no-good drunkard.”

So the parents hid in the nearby closet and waited nervously. Peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive. The son read the note that they had left.

Then he took the ten-dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket.

After that, he took the Bible, flipped through it, and put it under his arm.

Finally, he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an appreciative whiff to be assured of the quality. Then he left for his room, carrying all three items.

The father slapped his forehead and said: “This is worse than I could ever have imagined!”

“What? asked the wife.

“Our son is going to be a politician!”

The President of the United States, the Prime Minister of England, and the Communist leader met and started discussing the dreams they had. The President of the U.S. said: “I dreamed that I was made President of the World.”

The Prime Minister of England laughed and said: “I too dreamed I was made Prime Minister of the World.”

The Communist leader cried: “That’s funny. I have no recollection of appointing either of you!”

During his visit to the United States the Pope met with President Clinton. Instead of just an hour as scheduled, the meeting went on for two days. Finally, a weary President Clinton emerged to face the waiting news media. The President was smiling and announced the summit was a resounding success. He said he and the Pope agreed on 80% of the matters they discussed. Then Mr. Clinton declared he was going home to the White House to be with his family.

A few minutes later the Pope came out to make his statement. He looked tired, discouraged and was practically in tears. Sadly he announced his meeting with the President was a failure. Incredulous, one reporter asked, “But your Holiness, President Clinton just announced the summit was a great success and the two of you agreed on 80% of the items discussed”.

Exasperated, the Pope answered, “Yes, but we were talking about the Ten Commandments.”

Hillary Clinton dies and goes to Heaven where she meets St. Peter. She notices that there are clocks everywhere. She asks St. Peter why are there so many clocks here.

St. Peter tells her that each clock represents a person on earth and that every time a person tells a lie, the clock ticks off one-second. St. Peter explains that the one clock has never moved because it belonged to mother Theresa and she never told a lie her whole life. The next clock belonged to Abraham Lincoln and since he only told two lies his whole life, only two seconds had clicked.

Hillary asks, “Where is Bill’s clock?”

St. Peter says, “Bill’s clock is in Jesus’ office. He’s using it as a fan.”

A preacher, who shall we say was “humor impaired,” attended a conference to help encourage and better equip pastors for their ministry. Among the speakers were many well known and dynamic speakers.

One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd’s attention, said, “The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that wasn’t my wife!” The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, “And that woman was my mother!” - The crowd burst into laughter and delivered the rest of his talk, which went over quite well.

The next week, the pastor decided he’d give this humor thing a try, and use that joke in his sermon. As he surely approached the pulpit that sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It suddenly seemed a bit foggy to him.

Getting to the microphone he said loudly, “The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of another woman that was not my wife!” The congregation inhaled half the air in the room. After standing there for almost 10 seconds in the stunned silence, trying to recall the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out, “…and I can’t remember who she was!”

A man asked his wife what she’d like for her birthday. “I’d love to be six again,” she replied.

On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear–everything there was! Wow!

Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Right to McDonald’s they went, where her husband ordered her a Big Mac along with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie - the latest Star Wars epic, and hot dogs, popcorn, Pepsi Cola, and MandMs. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed.

He leaned over and lovingly asked, “Well, dear, what was it like being six again?”

One eye opened. The wife said, “You idiot, I meant my dress size!”

The moral of this story is: If a woman speaks and a man is actually listening, he will still get it wrong.

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, “Why is the bride dressed in white?”

“Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.”

The child thought about this for a moment, then said, “So why is the groom wearing black?”

An English professor wrote the words, “A woman without her man is nothing” on the blackboard and directed the students to punctuate it correctly.

The men wrote: “A woman, without her man, is nothing.”

The women wrote: “A woman: without her, man is nothing.”